11/7/2010 at 17.00
In moment my mother was not there .... or better yet
My mom will never be the same
A bomb exploded in the brain
A small bomb has created enormous damage, damage from a distance two-day still has the strength and the ability to cause further damage
My mom did as he fell to the ground face of the series "What is happening to me?" I was not there at that time, ma so bene quale deve essere stata la sua espressione.
Ieri l'ho vista e facevo veramente fatica a riconsocerla, c'erano tubi, drenaggi, fili che le uscivano da ogni dove. Il monitor al quale era collegata indicava il battito del suo cuore, io ho fatto fatica a vedere il lenzuolo alzarsi e sollevarsi al ritmo del suo respiro. Volevo accarezzarla, ma non ci hanno lasciato entrare, vorrei poterle parlare.....ma è in coma farmacologico. L'unica cosa che mi rasserena è che lei non sta sentendo alcun dolore.
Il mio papà sembra un cane bastonato, ha compreso la gravità della situazione, ma allo stesso tempo ci ritroviamo a fare assieme lo stesso sogno: "rivoglio Gabriella", "I want my mommy". But as we said, just because we are aware, is only a dream and as such will remain.
My dad seems aged overnight.
My mom in the physical body, appearance is the same as when I saw the last time, just smiled, she was happy: happy with the projects we were doing for the new home for the job. was happy because he was enjoying this holiday season, he was so relaxed that she had bought a new bathing suit, a purse, he wanted to go around .... and balances that was really hard to carry it around in shopping.
The outlook is anything but good, if you were to resume his smile and his face will never be the same scoundrel and will be a very long journey.
The knowledgeable here and having to return home are a pain in suffering, knowing Dad to leave here all alone to face the additional suffering is suffering.
These days we are seeing how the love of friends, powerless as we are, is a relief to some relatives in the breaking, in sharing the pain.
Near us there are angels in flesh and bones that support us.
These days I saw my dad cry for the second time, tears choked the broken voice.
between yesterday and today I had to phone me to some relatives and family friends, he can not talk without crying, and when someone calls him to know how things go ... see who tries to make phone calls do not get to court to cry.
My dad does not want to move near me, I was astonished. When the time comes for rehabilitation, look for a center in our area so that it is not alone, so that I can help him.
My dad said something, as soon as we saw last night: "We're cursed!"
A I can not believe this, but I can understand that he needs to find a reason for everything that is happening to the woman he loves from 51 years and would still like to close as if before lunchtime on Friday.
I only know that at this moment I can not wish to live because I know that what awaits you never wanted to live it, but equally I can not wish her to die because I want my mommy. say at this time and "live" Thy will be done "I find it really hard, but I know that only when I can say it and live it ... will regain serenity.
07/11/2010 23:20
hours of my mother's life is hanging in the machines, she is in a coma, his brain nothing is more alive and active
My mom now test more pain, this comforts me, the suffering would have been too knowledgeable.
afternoon as we went to the hospital I made a prayer to God before the tabernacle, and Did I repeated (in my opinion is not a case to go to the department of resuscitation is passed in front of the chapel), "Lord, grant that I may be with Dad will tell you that when the mother is no longer with us "while we were there to see the doctor called us immediately and we spoke at length with great clarity and using simple words, that there might be understandable in a time of grief : Mom told us that does not suffer because they do not feel anything, which is now in a coma, his brain is completely dead, which is kept alive by machines and that tomorrow will test for declaring brain death. He told us that we wonder if we are in favor or opposed to organ donation, and this in my dad's answer surprised me "at least continue to live", I honestly did not know what he thought.
Tomorrow will be a long, hard day.
addition to my dad I'm looking for a way to tell Aunt Gabriella, old and alone, so I have already made arrangements to poterglielo say in a time when not one and the same thing I'm trying to do with my godmother, Liliana, too old e sola.
In questi giorni il Signore ci ha circondato di angeli in carne ed ossa, gli amici che ci sono vicini.
13/7/2010
cara mamma,
ieri vederti così immobile, così non più la mia mamma....è stato un qualcosa di indescrivibile
mi ha colpito la tenerezza del mio papà che diceva "e ora chi mi chiederà di scaldargli i piedi la sera?"....glielo chiedeva anche in piena estate, era il suo modo di dirgli "non ho voglia di andare a letto da sola"
Mio papà è spaventato di ritrovarsi da solo, nella vostra casa, a Roma
Non so se lo spaventi di più la solitudine per la solitudine o la tua assenza, il tuo prenderti cura di lui.
Da ieri has opened up new perspectives: we move in rome us or Dad Cossato? we are all at home? in short, remains to be seen.
Dad asked me to help him put / give away your things, this means you do not want to create a mausoleum in your memory, this makes me think that she wanted to go ahead. One of my fears is that he let go and reach so quickly.
07/15/2010 16 hours
Yesterday was horrible. Atrocious
having to healthy for the last time, see you one last time.
See the people who loved him made me realize how much I loved and how much love I poured out with your life. A love made of discretion, absence of opinion, of calmness, of good words. She did not know, but it was a woman of hope, she was angry with God for my health and many times I said "if I knew everything I would have done everything to get you," I am happy to be there, I'm glad to have known and lived with my mom .. my personal works of anxiety.
Yesterday at Mass Fr Gianni had words of hope and life ... eternal life for you and life on earth for us.
Accomplishment to Bari was strange, a funeral procession that seemed speedygonzales.
The worst thing was the smell coming out from the chimneys of the crematorium, I took sick, I knew you were burning: I entered the waiting room and I'm not the most outgoing out until they gave us the red-hot urn with your remains. They tried not to get caught by me, but I got you in my arms, was the last hug I could give you, I did not want someone else to take. I put in the car, I locked the casket and I have brought to Erchie. The only thing I could do was to deport in the grave, I do not have just done it! When they closed the whole I felt tear a piece of my heart: I knew you were dead, but that gesture has the final word on everything. They wanted to get away without writing your name on the tomb, on the concrete with a plastic chock I wrote it, does not tolerate the idea that there, in that place, you lose your identity.
The proximity of the person you loved and who love us, it was really comforting. Many have done something to make us feel good, to make us feel at home.
Yesterday I realized that my aunt Lydia is left alone, there were three: 20 years ago he left his uncle Robert, and three days ago my mom. One of his comments was "and now how do I get the coffee while everyone at home we do a talk on the phone?"
here in the building we all stop, do not want to believe it. One of the girls told me "I play sempre con la tua mamma, lei voleva sempre giocare con tutti noi". La mia mamma amava i bambini, visto i suoi capelli bianchi, spesso la chiamavano nonna e lei gongolava.
Ieri pomeriggio, alla fine di questa lunga giornata, sono andata a trovare la Cia, è l'unica visita che ho fatto. La Cia è la mia nonna di scorta, ha 95 anni e voleva davvero tanto bene alla mia mamma. Come sono arrivata mi ha abbracciata e mi si è messa a piangere fra le braccia. Non se ne capacita, non ci vuole credere. La figlia mi ha detto che quando pensa di essere sola (è quasi cieca) si mette a piangere e dice "perchè lei che era ancora giovane e non io che sono così vecchia!?!?"
These are questions we can not give an answer.
family friends still call, still incredulous.
Some call that, it's my consolation. My heart is torn by grief over the loss of my mother and concern for my father who found himself suddenly alone. Scared. For Adrian said "I am old and alone, I'm afraid of not making it to start only"
By Adri we are thinking to the possibility of moving to Rome, and here dad told us that home is great. We will see where it lead us lovoro, I know that at this point also will begin again to submit a question to work on Rome.
I wish I could remove all the pain possible for my dad, even if they are happy with this pain, because it means that they were not together out of habit, they were really two apple halves that had been found and linked for life.
this morning I heard that Dad would get up, and then I woke up and I am "I still do not understand anything" ... begin to understand something when we too will be gone.
asked me to give away the clothes that my mother was here, and I did while he was away his aunt and uncle to accompany the train. I did not want to see me while I put the stuff in the bags for caritas.
will try tonight di farlo uscire, cerchiamo di farlo divagare un pochino....avrà fin troppo tempo per starsene da solo.
in questi giorni pensavo alla mia mamma e alle persone che avrà riabbracciato in cielo: suo papà, suo fratello (con il quale si sarà fatta una litigata clamorosa), la sua mamma, lo zio Pietro ecc ecc...........ma soprattutto potrà finalmente godersi mio fratello. Fino a pochi giorni fa io mi son goduta la mamma, ora tocca lui. Spero che da lassù veglino su papà e gli diano la forza di andare avanti.
cossato, 18/7/2010
ieri siamo rientrati ed è cominciata a crollarmi addoso la stanchezza e la tensione di questa last week.
today has begun to live a different life without the physical presence of my mother.
today I heard Dad peaceful, spent the day at the beach with friends and family with their grandchildren.
father makes plans on how to reorganize their lives, this new life that he has chosen. This gives me hope for the future and for our future with him.
Dedicated to my mother, thanking her for giving me life
In moment my mother was not there .... or better yet
My mom will never be the same
A bomb exploded in the brain
A small bomb has created enormous damage, damage from a distance two-day still has the strength and the ability to cause further damage
My mom did as he fell to the ground face of the series "What is happening to me?" I was not there at that time, ma so bene quale deve essere stata la sua espressione.
Ieri l'ho vista e facevo veramente fatica a riconsocerla, c'erano tubi, drenaggi, fili che le uscivano da ogni dove. Il monitor al quale era collegata indicava il battito del suo cuore, io ho fatto fatica a vedere il lenzuolo alzarsi e sollevarsi al ritmo del suo respiro. Volevo accarezzarla, ma non ci hanno lasciato entrare, vorrei poterle parlare.....ma è in coma farmacologico. L'unica cosa che mi rasserena è che lei non sta sentendo alcun dolore.
Il mio papà sembra un cane bastonato, ha compreso la gravità della situazione, ma allo stesso tempo ci ritroviamo a fare assieme lo stesso sogno: "rivoglio Gabriella", "I want my mommy". But as we said, just because we are aware, is only a dream and as such will remain.
My dad seems aged overnight.
My mom in the physical body, appearance is the same as when I saw the last time, just smiled, she was happy: happy with the projects we were doing for the new home for the job. was happy because he was enjoying this holiday season, he was so relaxed that she had bought a new bathing suit, a purse, he wanted to go around .... and balances that was really hard to carry it around in shopping.
The outlook is anything but good, if you were to resume his smile and his face will never be the same scoundrel and will be a very long journey.
The knowledgeable here and having to return home are a pain in suffering, knowing Dad to leave here all alone to face the additional suffering is suffering.
These days we are seeing how the love of friends, powerless as we are, is a relief to some relatives in the breaking, in sharing the pain.
Near us there are angels in flesh and bones that support us.
These days I saw my dad cry for the second time, tears choked the broken voice.
between yesterday and today I had to phone me to some relatives and family friends, he can not talk without crying, and when someone calls him to know how things go ... see who tries to make phone calls do not get to court to cry.
My dad does not want to move near me, I was astonished. When the time comes for rehabilitation, look for a center in our area so that it is not alone, so that I can help him.
My dad said something, as soon as we saw last night: "We're cursed!"
A I can not believe this, but I can understand that he needs to find a reason for everything that is happening to the woman he loves from 51 years and would still like to close as if before lunchtime on Friday.
I only know that at this moment I can not wish to live because I know that what awaits you never wanted to live it, but equally I can not wish her to die because I want my mommy. say at this time and "live" Thy will be done "I find it really hard, but I know that only when I can say it and live it ... will regain serenity.
07/11/2010 23:20
hours of my mother's life is hanging in the machines, she is in a coma, his brain nothing is more alive and active
My mom now test more pain, this comforts me, the suffering would have been too knowledgeable.
afternoon as we went to the hospital I made a prayer to God before the tabernacle, and Did I repeated (in my opinion is not a case to go to the department of resuscitation is passed in front of the chapel), "Lord, grant that I may be with Dad will tell you that when the mother is no longer with us "while we were there to see the doctor called us immediately and we spoke at length with great clarity and using simple words, that there might be understandable in a time of grief : Mom told us that does not suffer because they do not feel anything, which is now in a coma, his brain is completely dead, which is kept alive by machines and that tomorrow will test for declaring brain death. He told us that we wonder if we are in favor or opposed to organ donation, and this in my dad's answer surprised me "at least continue to live", I honestly did not know what he thought.
Tomorrow will be a long, hard day.
addition to my dad I'm looking for a way to tell Aunt Gabriella, old and alone, so I have already made arrangements to poterglielo say in a time when not one and the same thing I'm trying to do with my godmother, Liliana, too old e sola.
In questi giorni il Signore ci ha circondato di angeli in carne ed ossa, gli amici che ci sono vicini.
13/7/2010
cara mamma,
ieri vederti così immobile, così non più la mia mamma....è stato un qualcosa di indescrivibile
mi ha colpito la tenerezza del mio papà che diceva "e ora chi mi chiederà di scaldargli i piedi la sera?"....glielo chiedeva anche in piena estate, era il suo modo di dirgli "non ho voglia di andare a letto da sola"
Mio papà è spaventato di ritrovarsi da solo, nella vostra casa, a Roma
Non so se lo spaventi di più la solitudine per la solitudine o la tua assenza, il tuo prenderti cura di lui.
Da ieri has opened up new perspectives: we move in rome us or Dad Cossato? we are all at home? in short, remains to be seen.
Dad asked me to help him put / give away your things, this means you do not want to create a mausoleum in your memory, this makes me think that she wanted to go ahead. One of my fears is that he let go and reach so quickly.
07/15/2010 16 hours
Yesterday was horrible. Atrocious
having to healthy for the last time, see you one last time.
See the people who loved him made me realize how much I loved and how much love I poured out with your life. A love made of discretion, absence of opinion, of calmness, of good words. She did not know, but it was a woman of hope, she was angry with God for my health and many times I said "if I knew everything I would have done everything to get you," I am happy to be there, I'm glad to have known and lived with my mom .. my personal works of anxiety.
Yesterday at Mass Fr Gianni had words of hope and life ... eternal life for you and life on earth for us.
Accomplishment to Bari was strange, a funeral procession that seemed speedygonzales.
The worst thing was the smell coming out from the chimneys of the crematorium, I took sick, I knew you were burning: I entered the waiting room and I'm not the most outgoing out until they gave us the red-hot urn with your remains. They tried not to get caught by me, but I got you in my arms, was the last hug I could give you, I did not want someone else to take. I put in the car, I locked the casket and I have brought to Erchie. The only thing I could do was to deport in the grave, I do not have just done it! When they closed the whole I felt tear a piece of my heart: I knew you were dead, but that gesture has the final word on everything. They wanted to get away without writing your name on the tomb, on the concrete with a plastic chock I wrote it, does not tolerate the idea that there, in that place, you lose your identity.
The proximity of the person you loved and who love us, it was really comforting. Many have done something to make us feel good, to make us feel at home.
Yesterday I realized that my aunt Lydia is left alone, there were three: 20 years ago he left his uncle Robert, and three days ago my mom. One of his comments was "and now how do I get the coffee while everyone at home we do a talk on the phone?"
here in the building we all stop, do not want to believe it. One of the girls told me "I play sempre con la tua mamma, lei voleva sempre giocare con tutti noi". La mia mamma amava i bambini, visto i suoi capelli bianchi, spesso la chiamavano nonna e lei gongolava.
Ieri pomeriggio, alla fine di questa lunga giornata, sono andata a trovare la Cia, è l'unica visita che ho fatto. La Cia è la mia nonna di scorta, ha 95 anni e voleva davvero tanto bene alla mia mamma. Come sono arrivata mi ha abbracciata e mi si è messa a piangere fra le braccia. Non se ne capacita, non ci vuole credere. La figlia mi ha detto che quando pensa di essere sola (è quasi cieca) si mette a piangere e dice "perchè lei che era ancora giovane e non io che sono così vecchia!?!?"
These are questions we can not give an answer.
family friends still call, still incredulous.
Some call that, it's my consolation. My heart is torn by grief over the loss of my mother and concern for my father who found himself suddenly alone. Scared. For Adrian said "I am old and alone, I'm afraid of not making it to start only"
By Adri we are thinking to the possibility of moving to Rome, and here dad told us that home is great. We will see where it lead us lovoro, I know that at this point also will begin again to submit a question to work on Rome.
I wish I could remove all the pain possible for my dad, even if they are happy with this pain, because it means that they were not together out of habit, they were really two apple halves that had been found and linked for life.
this morning I heard that Dad would get up, and then I woke up and I am "I still do not understand anything" ... begin to understand something when we too will be gone.
asked me to give away the clothes that my mother was here, and I did while he was away his aunt and uncle to accompany the train. I did not want to see me while I put the stuff in the bags for caritas.
will try tonight di farlo uscire, cerchiamo di farlo divagare un pochino....avrà fin troppo tempo per starsene da solo.
in questi giorni pensavo alla mia mamma e alle persone che avrà riabbracciato in cielo: suo papà, suo fratello (con il quale si sarà fatta una litigata clamorosa), la sua mamma, lo zio Pietro ecc ecc...........ma soprattutto potrà finalmente godersi mio fratello. Fino a pochi giorni fa io mi son goduta la mamma, ora tocca lui. Spero che da lassù veglino su papà e gli diano la forza di andare avanti.
cossato, 18/7/2010
ieri siamo rientrati ed è cominciata a crollarmi addoso la stanchezza e la tensione di questa last week.
today has begun to live a different life without the physical presence of my mother.
today I heard Dad peaceful, spent the day at the beach with friends and family with their grandchildren.
father makes plans on how to reorganize their lives, this new life that he has chosen. This gives me hope for the future and for our future with him.
Dedicated to my mother, thanking her for giving me life
